Am I wrong to expect oral sex from my wife?

Oral Sex Tonight?

Okay. Here’s the deal. I have been married to my wife for approximately 11 years now. I definitely love her. However, I think I have grown to resent her because of her being unwilling to give me oral sex. I know it sounds bad, but I have been the provider for my family for years. Every time my wife has a complaint, I try to fix it. I bought us the new big home she’s always dreamed of, I work 2+ jobs so that she can be a stay at home mom. I offer to do to her just about anything sexually that she wants. Is it my fault that she is not that much into sex anymore. Should I have to suffer? Again, this probably sounds bad, but I feel as though she should be so happy for the life I have provided for her, and work so hard to maintain, she should look at me with noting but desire. Even if she doesn’t feel it, she should want to do it, just because I want her to and have done so much for her. Women would kill to have the life I have provided for her. I’m really starting to question her love for me, and mine for her. I do love her, but am I still in love with her? And is she still in love with me?

I get what you’re saying. I’ve tried the romance. I’ve tried everything. I am loving and attentive. I think you are right about her being turned off (possibly). I’m just not sure why… My attitude may sound bad because I’ve been giving the emotional, I’ve given the material. I don’t know what else “I” can give. I am getting frustrated at how much giving I’m doing and I am getting selfish now and want to receive. I’m been the nice guy too long.

One more thing I need to express. Stay at home mom in this instance is one child, on the school bus at 8 am, home at 4 pm. I’m not taking away what she does, but it’s more like just “stay at home” than stay at home mom…

Sexually, I will do just about anything that she would ask me to do. I love providing oral for my wife. I love how it makes her feel. She has told me that she doesn’t like it, even though it is quite obvious that she does. I think she is telling me that she doesn’t like it so that she won’t have to do it to me.

I agree. I don’t want sex to be a reward for good deeds. I want her to want me “as the song goes”. I just don’t know what more I can do to get her to want me. I’ve suggested counseling and she isn’t into it. Trust me when I tell you I don’t think of this as a deserve thing… I may sound conceited, but if I had somebody treat me, the way I treat her mentally, physically, financially, etc… I’d do almost anything for them.

Based on many of the answers to this question, I am now inclined to ask… Do you like to give oral? I guess I’m just at a complete loss, and would really like to hear from the women out there. Maybe I am way off base.

Here’s a little secret about oral sex - some women love it and some women hate it.

And there’s nothing you can do about it.  You can’t change anyone’s mind.

If I were with a guy who was gentle with me and who didn’t get frustrated with me each time that I said no to oral, I would probably be more inclined to go ahead and give him head.

But to me, it sounds like you might be verbally abusive to your wife about her lack of desire to go down on you.

That’s never a turn on.

Eleven years and you didn’t realize this about your wife?  I find that hard to believe.  To be brutally honest, if this has been an ongoing problem and it’s something that’s important to you, you needed to either leave her, go to counseling right from the start, or just find a way to deal with it.

I’m a little concerned that you seem to be making it seem as though this is her problem when it’s actually a problem that you BOTH have to deal with.

Imagine if your wife asked you to go to counseling because you couldn’t keep it hard.  How would that feel to you?

The truth is that you could also simply learn to enjoy other things that she does, and learn that oral sex just isn’t a part of your sex life.  I also have to say that if this is the one thing that your wife doesn’t agree with you on, you’re in a far better marriage than most people.

Since it seems like you have tried everything you can, and let’s assume that you’re not getting mad at your wife each time she says no, I think you might just want to let it go for a while.

Let her come to you.

And if this doesn’t sound like a plausible plan for you, maybe it’s time to find a new partner that does share in your love of oral sex.  Those women are out there too.

Also, keep in mind that no one ‘has’ to do anything for anyone, no matter what the other person does for them.  It’s called free will.  She always has a choice - and now, so do you.

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Hi, I am an engaged girl and I love to have oral sex. When I am with my fiancé I always do oral sex for him, but he doesn’t do it to me. Well, he did it one time or twice. Last time I asked for me to be shaved in case he wanted to lick me but he didn’t. I asked him why and he answered that he noticed a bad smell; even I had a shower beforehand.

Oral Sex Relationship Query

What can I do to make him do it? I talked to him but he didn’t do anything. Help please! Thank you

There are two different questions here, I think. First of all, how can you get someone to ‘do’ oral sex for you? The answer is not as simple as you think. Some people simply don’t enjoy performing oral sex. Now, as you have mentioned that this person is your fiancé, chances are pretty good that you two have been together for a while already, so it’s more than likely that you already knew this about them when he proposed.

If your fiancé has suddenly stopped performing oral sex, that’s an entirely different matter. If the sudden oral sex strike is new, you need to look at your relationship for a moment. Are you having troubles outside of the bedroom? If so, that might be the cause. Oral sex is a very intimate and special act, and one that someone might feel uncomfortable doing if their relationship isn’t running along smoothly.

The other question that I see is that the oral sex problem might be caused by the ’smell’ that your fiancé mentioned. First of all, all women smell different, depending on their body chemistry. A woman should smell musky, but they should not smell bad or fishy. If that’s the kind of smell your fiancé is noticing, that might be caused by an infection. Have you noticed any other symptoms lately? Itching? A discharge? If so, get yourself to your gynecologist so that you can get treated.

In the end, you can’t ‘make’ anyone have oral sex with you. Sorry. But what you can do is find alternatives like mutual masturbation or perhaps have your fiancé try using a vibrator on you to simulate the act of oral sex.

And talk - again - about why you enjoy oral sex and make sure that you’re holding up your end of the bargain too. Are you listening to his needs?

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