24 Nov 08 Why is My Spouse NOT Interested in Sex?
My Question: We’ve been together for 7 years and don’t have sex much. Just curious, I feel like we should be having sex more, but we have 3 kids and my man is always saying not now because of the kids. By the time we get to bed he is already too tired and just wants to go to sleep. Lately I have been initiating oral for him hoping to get him going but all that happens is I either finish it for him, then go without or he stops me and goes to sleep. It’s making me crave him so much more! I want some passion with him! We are only in our 30’s. What do I do?
Ah, this is the eternal question for men and women of all ages - are we normal for not having sex as often as we think we should?
Here’s the first thing to keep in mind - there is no ‘normal’ amount of having sex. What can be measured is your satisfaction with your sex life. If you’re not happy, yes, you should try to do something about it.
Have you talked with your man about whether he is happy with your sex life? Even if he says he is, you might want to talk about how you aren’t happy. Most men are more than willing to ‘help out’ with a woman who isn’t satisfied.
After all, it sounds like you’re still craving him - and what man doesn’t want to hear that?
If he isn’t interested in more sex, and you are, it might be time for him to see a doctor about a low sex drive issue. It might just be that something is going on within his body, making him less than ready to go when you are.
You say he is tired, well, that too can affect the sexual response and desire of a man. If he’s been under a lot of stress, maybe you need to offer to help him out - or at least to see if there’s anything he can do to reduce the stress he has. And I might also ask if you are being as straightforward about what you want. Sometimes we’re not as clear as we think we are.
I might also ask if you are having relationship issues right now. If he’s not feeling close to you, then he might not want to be intimate with you. Are you two talking about things together? Are you making time to be romantic with each other?
You might want to schedule time without the kids, if possible, to reignite your passion for each other. Passion isn’t a one sided affair, after all, you both need to do your part to get it started again.
This isn’t ‘his’ fault - this is a relationship issue. So, it’s time to consider what you can do as well.
Tags: low sex drive, oral sex, relationship breakdown, relationship question
18 Nov 08 BV (Bacterial Vaginosis) and STDs
My question was: Is there a possibility that BV (Bacterial Vaginosis) can cause an STD if not taken care of for more than a year or six months?
Bacterial vaginosis is an infection in the vagina. The vagina is a very sensitive area, so any disruption in its balance of bacteria can turn into an icky mess of discharge, pain, or odor.
If you don’t go to a doctor, BV can clear up without treatment, but this is not always the case. There are many possible complications that can occur if you simply let BV go untreated:
- In pregnant women especially, BV can increase your chances of a preterm delivery, low birth weight baby, etc.
- BV can increase your chances of an infection during a reproductive procedure like a hysterectomy or an abortion.
In terms of BV’s relationship to STDs, that’s a great question to ask.
Here’s what you should know. If untreated, bacterial vaginosis can:
- Increase your chances of getting HIV from an infected partner.
- Increase your chances of being infected with gonorrhea, Chlamydia, and HPV.
Without treatment, the BV weakens your ability to fight off STD viruses as your body is trying to fight that infection instead.
The best course of action is to get treatment immediately if you suspect you have BV or have had BV. Your doctor can check to make sure you’re ‘clear’ to go for sex.
Of course, you are using protection, right? Healthy or not, you need to protect yourself and your partner.
Tags: bacterial vaginosis, bv, STD, STDs
